Anxiety, sleepless nights, crying, hiding my feelings. Is that what I need in my life, is that a mother my kids need to see it? And all that because of a person, that has been through all your life a bone of contention.
The word Sorry seems to be the hardest word or is it just our pride, that doesn’t allow us to say it? The easiest way is to trash about a woman, that stood up for herself and that has finally come out of that un-comfort zone, that has relieved herself from all that pressure she was carrying it on her shoulders. That woman is me. Is that a crime? Is that a price you have to pay to feel like the most hated person in the family? It must be since everybody is treating me that way. Is it a crime to stand up and not letting anybody even the closest ones hurt my family (not in a physical way), but in a mentally way? Every day all over again, ugly words, ugly looks, feeling like a trash, like a criminal and yet you didn’t do anything, you just stood up for yourself. And you start asking yourself what’s the point? What kind of parent and example you are to your children when you can’t protect them, save them from all that trouble, caused by others. Troubles you really don’t need them anymore in your life, troubles that you are looking at it for the last 20years and could be partially fixed with word Sorry. But like I said in the begging word Sorry seems to be the hardest word and it is better to suffer than say it.
Never let anyone run your life, be the leader of it and be the creator of your own destiny. Eliminate the negativity, even if it means you have to cut some people out of your life. Why should you or I let them be in it if all you are getting from them are ugly words, words that hurt your feelings, words that make you cry even in the middle of the night somewhere hidden where your husband and your little children can’t hear you?
I agree, a family is number one in life, but family created with your own semen, with your other half, that part of the family that came out of your own interior, weighs much more than family who created you. Weird as it sounds, it’s true!